Hegseth Audit Shocker Seems Almost Impossible

Whenever I read headlines like "Pentagon fails audit for sixth year in a row," I always think of the Jeep from M*A*S*H — the proper M*A*S*H, the Robert Altman movie starring Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, and Tom Skerritt. Not the increasingly simpering and unfunny Alan Alda sitcom that ran about eight seasons too many. Because I try to have standards.

I'll get back to Hawkeye's fictional Jeep in a moment, because it perfectly illustrates the Pentagon's real-world difficulties trying to pass the annual audit mandated by Section 1003 of the FY2014 National Defense Authorization Act, signed into law by President Barack Obama [spits on ground, curses name] in 2013. 

Starting in fiscal year 2018, with results due to Congress by Mar. 31, 2019, Section 1003 imposed an annual full audit "on the financial statements of the Department of Defense." As a taxpayer, that hardly seems unreasonable to me, even if it did bear Obama's signature [spits on ground, curses name].

The Pentagon failed that first audit, and every subsequent audit, despite Section 1003 actually being Congress' third attempt (at least) at making some fiscal sense of the Pentagon. Congress passed the Chief Financial Officers Act in 1990, followed by the Government Management Reform Act of 1994.

I won't bore you with the nuts and bolts of either of those acts, because I still have keyboard imprints on my forehead after passing out hard at my desk looking into them. 

Three years ago — that's when that "Pentagon fails audit for sixth year in a row" headline came from — Pentagon officials were still releasing sleep-inducing statements like "Auditing the Department’s $3.8 trillion in assets and $4.0 trillion in liabilities is a massive undertaking..." instead of actually passing the dang audit, which in 2020 they swore they'd pass no later than 2027. Maybe.

But that was then. Now the Pentagon sits on assets worth $4.65 trillion and liabilities of  $4.73 trillion.

The Pentagon’s $9.4 trillion balance sheet, unbalanced though it is, exceeds the annual economic output of every country in the world except the United States and China. And just last year, the Pentagon bought another $205 billion worth of new stuff, while expending untold billions more worth of stuff for training, operations, and everything else. 

Then you've got Hawkeye's Jeep.

Trying to get to his assigned M*A*S*H outfit, Capt. Hawkeye Pierce (Sutherland) stole a convenient Jeep, and was briefly confronted about it by his new commanding officer, Lt. Col. Henry Blake (Roger Bowen). 

"Captain Hawkeye Pierce?" Blake said. "I got a twix about you. It seems that you stole a jeep up at Headquarters."

"No, no, no, sir, no, I didn't steal a Jeep. No, it's right outside. Right there."

"So it is," and that was good enough for Blake, whose unit could probably have used another Jeep. His company clerk, Cpl. Radar O'Reilly (Gary Burghoff), slyly added, "Don't worry about the Jeep. I'll change the numbers."

That's the kind of thing I figured the Pentagon was up against, trying to pass an annual audit. If our $9.4 trillion organization managed to get kinda close, I'd apply the Close Enough for Horseshoes/Jazz/Government Work (pick one or all) and call it good.

Which is exactly why I shrugged last year at this headline: "DOD Will Pass Audit by 2028, Comptroller Confirms."

"Sure, but what have you got for me this year?" I wondered when that story turned a year old back in June.

Well, War Secretary Pete Hegseth has this from an address on Tuesday: "The Department of Defense — and now the Department of War — has never passed an audit... in this administration — before 2028, we will pass a full audit."

That's a big promise, and one we've heard before — but never this close to the deadline.

I've written here more than once that the issue isn't whether we spend too much or too little on defense (although I believe we spend too little), but that as taxpayers, we don't get good value for the money we do spend.

Finally passing that annual audit would be a huge step toward Pentagon accountability, even if we do come up a Jeep or two short. 

Recommended: This TDS Sufferer Actually Left the Country, and the Schadenfreude Is Almost Unbearable

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