Would You Advise Your Child to Get a Prenup?

But the facts are the facts: Roughly 45% of marriages end in divorce. And the reality is, not having a backup plan gets millions of people in trouble.

Everyone has at least one close, personal friend who was completely screwed over in a divorce. It’s not a rare thing. Furthermore (at least in my friend group), it disproportionately happens to men. One of my buddies is still paying through the nose to his ex — who’s been living for years with her affair partner, but won’t marry him because she wants to keep those alimony checks rolling in. He’s funding her lifestyle while struggling himself.

In his case, a prenup would’ve spared him time, money, and pain. 

That’s one of the arguments you’ll hear from Zoomers and Gen-Alphas: Divorce law is skewed against men, so simply as a risk-reward proposition, why should men get married? 

And besides, you know the expression, “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” Lots of cows, bulls, and livestock out there. If you’re a guy, maybe it’s smarter to stay single.

Maybe it’s smarter for women, too. Plenty of women get screwed over in bad divorces — often by deadbeat dads. In New York City, Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles, the average woman under 30 out-earns the average man under 30. If she’s making great money on her own, why should she risk losing half her income to a man-child who plays video games all day?

Fun fact: Women file about 70% of divorces.

So that’s the minefield out there, folks. Each gender has its burdens. 

With that in mind, if your kid ever asked you if getting a prenuptial agreement was a good idea, what would you say?

Divorce lawyer (and prenup practitioner) James Sexton would say your kid already has one:

I think the biggest thing people don’t understand is that everyone has a prenup. Everyone, every person who’s married has a prenup. It’s either one that was written by the government and can be changed by the government at any time without your notice, and that once the government changes it, you can’t opt out of it anymore. …Or it’s a contract written by the two people that claim to love each other more than the other 8 billion options in the world.

For YOU, marriage might be about love and faith, but the government sees it as a financial contract: a few perks, a handful of liabilities, and a bunch of legal obligations. When we get married, we’re agreeing to the terms of this government contract — unless we explicitly opt out.

Sexton compares it to having a will:

And, at the risk of sounding unromantic, it’s important to keep in mind a simple fact: all marriages end. They either end in death or divorce. Would your fiancée agree you need a Last Will and Testament? Of course! It’s the responsible thing to do. …To quote 70’s rock icons Rush: “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.” 

But if you never divorce, who cares? Everything alive will one day die, but if 45% of marriages end in divorce, it also means most marriages don’t. Why would you assume you — or your kid — would be one of the unlucky ones?

And wouldn’t a prenuptial agreement taint the water before the marriage even began? 

I didn’t want a prenup because it felt as if I’d be starting my marriage on the wrong foot. And if my fiancé had asked for a prenup, in all honesty, I probably would’ve seen it as a red flag: She’s not as confident we’ll go the distance as I am.

Marriage requires two to agree, but one person can end it at any time. Maybe, if one side knows he or she is protected by a prenup, he or she won’t fight as hard for the marriage.

Of course, if he or she is the kind of person who’d do that, that’s a pretty big red flag, too. Really bad omen for the marriage’s longevity.

Statistically, getting a prenup makes sense: If you have three kids who all get married, statistically, one of those marriages will end in divorce. The numbers are what they are.

Ignoring ‘em won’t make ‘em go away.

But on the other hand, your kid isn’t a number or a statistic. Your child is an individual.

And individuals aren’t bound by statistics. 

We’re free.

That’s probably the best advice you could give your kid: Marriage isn’t just a spiritual commitment and a declaration of love; it’s also a financial contract. Make sure you’re comfortable with the terms and conditions before you sign on the dotted line.

Different assets require different legal tools. For some assets, a prenup is probably smart; for others, probably not.

If both you and your spouse agree to it, sure, signing a prenup is fine. It’s nobody’s business but your own — and if you stay together ‘til death do you part, it won’t matter anyway.

Right?

Just don’t let it become a self-fulfilling prophecy.