KDJ's Bourbon-Inspired Predictions for the 2026 Midterms

The midterm elections are here, and my stomach hasn't felt this way since my last repor-card day back in high school, when I struggled to maintain a "D+" average to graduate.

FACT-O-RAMA! A "D+" was a passing grade back in 1983 when Franklin High School kindly regurgitated me out the doors for the final time with a diploma.

Never mind my scholastic tragedies; let's get down to what I do know: bourbon and some occasionally accurate predictions.

Kathy Hochul Vs. Bruce Blakeman: New York Gubernatorial Race. FIGHT!

There is much riding on this election, but I assure you of one thing: it won't be devastating if we lose. Yes, real communism is on the ticket, and of course the "coincidental" breakdown of machines had already begun in Westchester County, N.Y., as of this morning.

Not to worry, the worst governor in the nation (as per the Cato Institute), Kathy Hochul, who is running against Bruce Blakeman for the keys to the governor's mansion, the man who made his home, Nassau County, N.Y., the safest county in the country (as per U.S. News & World Report), is here to assuage our concerns:

HOCHUL'S "WRONG SIZE PAPER" EXCUSE: WESTCHESTER'S MACHINES BREAK ON THE ONE DAY MOST REPUBLICANS VOTE! Ballot scanners at polling sites across Westchester County have been rejecting ballots since the polls opened at 6 AM. Westchester has about 1 million residents and roughly 680,000 registered voters. That includes about 132,000 registered Republicans, 7,400 Conservatives, and 186,000 voters who aren't enrolled in any party. County Executive Ken Jenkins called it a "county-wide issue at all of the polling locations." The Board of Elections blamed the "thickness" of the paper, then quietly took that word out. Governor Hochul says it could be the "wrong size paper" and could take hours to fix. Here's why this matters: Democrats tend to vote early and by mail. Republicans show up on Election Day. So when the machines break on Election Day, the people stuck in long lines and delays are mostly Republican voters. Some will have to get back to work. Some will give up and go home. Every one of them is a vote that didn't get cast. All of this is happening with Governor Hochul on the ballot and the Lawler race on the line. That's a very convenient coincidence for Democrats. Westchester, don't let them win by wearing you out. Stay in line, fill out your ballot, and make sure it goes into the orange emergency bag. Polls are open until 9 PM. https://t.co/QKgQrhydwW
— Jay Gatling (@apinionsvary) November 3, 2026

FACT-O-RAMA! Most of these voting machines are used only once a year. How they were given the wrong-sized paper ballots is beyond explanation.

Exit poll in Atlantic Beach, NY: Not a single Hochul vote https://t.co/LYzeNnj5Hn https://t.co/Jquo39Fjid
— New York Post (@nypost) November 3, 2026

PREDICTION: If the cheating is kept to a minimum in New York state, which seems unlikely, Blakeman can pull this one out. Hochul is a political pariah who was ignored by many of her own people while campaigning. She has the stench of political death upon her. She raised taxes to pay for illegal immigrants to invade her state, including one who slaughtered a family of four, and the savage who tied a 13-year-old girl to her male friend and raped her.

Mike Rogers Vs. Abdul El Sayed: Michigan Senate Race. FIGHT!

The diminutive, terrorist-snuggling Red-Green alliance communist Abdul El-Sayed is in trouble. A pile of Democrats, including Rep. Haley Stevens, have denounced him and endorsed his competitor, Mike Rogers.

Michigan voter says Haley Stevens' endorsement convinced her to vote for @MikeRogersforMI: "It’s almost like her endorsing him is giving people permission to change their minds." https://t.co/MrFkzk4Gae
— Bobby LaValley (@Bobby_LaVallley) November 3, 2026

Many in the black community of Wayne County (that's where Detroit is located) have turned their backs on El-Sayed, largely due to Muslim-on-black violence, including my super exclusive, childhood neighborhood in Detroit story where a Muslim woman had an accident with a black woman, who was then robbed by a mob from the "religion of peace," in an incident that took place across the street from Grandma Downey's house.

4 Michigan Democrats refuse to vote for the TERRORIST, EL-Sayed for US Senator. Michigan is waking up! https://t.co/mJyd1FDq0d
— Matt (@MarktMatts) November 3, 2026

PREDICTION: El-Sayed will take Ann Arbor, but I suspect he will lose too many black votes in Wayne County. He will get the lion's share of Muslim votes and a shocking 50% of the state's 100,000 Jewish votes.

Rogers can win if the cheating is kept to a minimum, which seems unlikely, but I'm going with Rogers anyway.

James Talarico Vs. Ken Paxton: Texas Senate Race. FIGHT!

Talarico is a vegan, trans-kid-loving freak show; Paxton is a Texan.

PREDICTION: Unless the Democrats turn their cheat knob to 11, I predict Paxton clobbers Talarico.

I also suspect the following may happen:

There will be no "blue wave"
The Republicans hold the House and Senate
Republicans will pick up at least four House seats
A handful of House races won't be called for weeks, and the Democrats will "win" them
I will wait, perhaps brokenheartedly, for the $5,000 check from President Donald Trump
Jocelyn Benson should lose the Michigan gubernatorial race to John James, but the Michigan cheat-machine is not to be doubted.
Minnesota is in play. There has been too much fraud as well as violence, most of which is the work of the Somali community. Expect several Republican upsets, again, if the cheating is kept to a minimum, which seems unlikely.

It’s illegal for me to ask questions in polling locations about Minnesota’s election laws, but THIS is allowed…? DM us if you’re an election judge or poll worker in Minnesota with anything to report 914-491-9395 https://t.co/IBz2o2CF9X
— James O'Keefe (@JamesOKeefeIII) November 3, 2026

FACT-ORAMA! A woman in Minnesota dropped an "n-bomb" on a young Somali thief and made over $950,000 on GiveSendGo. Somali fatigue is real.

I will be live-blogging the election tonight with my PJ pals LIVE from the America First Warehouse, the most patriotic venue in the galaxy, as I sip Spy Trail's Black Tea bourbon, created in honor of the Boston Tea Party. Spy Trail is a nod to George Washington's Long Island-based Culper spy ring.