Adventures in the Patriarchy™: #IAmJaneDoe, Volume VI

Oct 16, 2026 8:47 AM
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Adventures in the Patriarchy™: #IAmJaneDoe, Volume VI
AP Photo/Paul Beaty, File
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Chronicling the ongoing intersectional struggle to liberate women — progressively defined to include the legacy kind and the transgender variety — from the Patriarchy™, one microaggression at a time.

Democrat Karen running for an Arizona Congress seat pulls an audacious Juicy Smollett rabbit out of the hat just weeks before the election 

Buckle up, folks: this totally-real-and-not-at-all-fabricated rape story is a real barn-burner.

A Democrat Karen running for Congress in Arizona, Bernadette “Lady Juicy” Greene-Placentia, who may or may not be on copious amounts of psychotropic drugs and high on the noxious fumes of the Cornell 7 rape hoax, perhaps sensing her moment, has come forward with a devastating rape tale of her own.

She has no idea who the assailants were or where the alleged rape even happened — which occurred at 2 a.m. while she was fixing campaign signs, which is totally plausible — but she definitely remembers that they called her a “Democratic b***h” while they raped her on the concrete.

Related: Yale ‘Fascism Professor’ Flees Country to Escape Trump’s Fourth Reich 

She didn’t report this brutal attack by LiTeRaL fAsCiStS to the cops until weeks later, as all of these totally legitimate rape victims so often do, and didn’t take it to the press until last week — which conveniently coincides with the #MeToo Round Two hysteria ginned up by another fully real rape victim, Jane Doe AKA Lucy Craig, as well as just a couple of weeks before her election.

Via Washington Post (emphasis added):

An Arizona congressional candidate said Thursday she was sexually assaulted while fixing campaign signs in her district in August.

Bernadette Greene-Placentia, the Democratic nominee in Arizona’s 8th Congressional District, says she was fixing the signs in Sun City, Arizona, early on Aug. 14 when two men attacked her from behind and sexually assaulted her in a parking lot…

Greene-Placentia first recounted her experience in a story published by the Phoenix New Times on Wednesday. Her disclosure follows reports of an alleged gang rape at Cornell University, the details of which have spurred conversations about how sexual assault cases are handled.

Related: #Resistance Liberals Tattoo Themselves Blue to Oppose Fascism, Spot ‘Safe People’

Harrowing stuff.

Juicy Smollett, who knows what it’s like to be assaulted in the dead of night by MAGA terrorists with no corroborating evidence whatsoever, stands in solidarity with Bernadette.

What strikes me always and forever about these stories is how poor the (almost certainly fabricated) dialogue is. Never in the history of the world has a rapist whispered “Democratic b***h” in the ear of his victim — if not because he’s not thinking about politics at that moment, then because it’s such an awkward and unnatural phrase. It simply doesn’t roll off the tongue.

This woman, as an amateur fabulist, might be forgiven for such a faux pas; however, a seasoned Hollywood veteran like Juicy ought to have known better when he claimed his assailants yelled “This is MAGA country!” while they tied a noose around his neck in sub-zero temperatures in the dead of night in downtown Chicago.

Related: MSNBC News Actor, Race Scholar ‘Confront the First Amendment’s Dark History’

Sad!

As I always advise my fake rape victim clients in my PR consulting side hustle, this is the exact kind of scenario that calls for a script editor.

Yes, you’re incurring a little more overhead by hiring an editor. However, if you put out a quality product, on the back end you’re potentially looking at newfound celebrity, millions of dollars in civil lawsuits, and a new career as a Democrat “survivor” Congresswoman from the great state of Arizona.

In the business, we call that “high ROI.”

News Topics DEMOCRAT PARTY

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