Last month, a fur coat wearer named Macklemore, whom most people had never heard of, caused controversy by getting himself kicked off the Ed Sheeran tour due to haranguing one of his crowds with his trademark antisemitic rants. Sheeran himself, like so many naïve celebrities before him, tried to walk the line by throwing the mob some meat while maintaining a neutral position. And that went about as predictably as possible.
So earlier this month, musician Zach Bryan walked onstage at the same stadium that Macklemore had been banned from. In a show of solidarity, Zach donned a shirt that said “Free Palestine.” Didn’t say anything, just wore the shirt.
Yawn.
You have to wonder what the roadies and groupies surrounding these celebrities tell them on the road in between shows. Oh Zach, you’re so brave! Oh Zach, you stood up to The Man! Oh Zach, do you do pushups or do you push the earth down?
I get that their entourages are comprised of quadrupedal sycophants looking to preserve their access to their golden calf, but one wonders if the idols themselves ever question either their motives or their wisdom? Does the celebrity ever wonder if he’s just being told what he wants to hear? Isn’t he just a little suspicious? Or is his ego really that gluttonous?
Because Zach’s cute little political statement isn’t edgy. It isn’t brave. It isn’t rebellious. It isn’t deep. And it certainly isn’t honorable.
It’s boring.
Zach Bryan is boring. His schtick is boring. His interviews are boring. His chicken hawk posturing is boring.
You know what might actually be interesting? It would be interesting if Bryan or any of his simian bandmates sat down for an interview and faced serious questions about their actual knowledge of the subject. I’d love to hear Bryan’s ruminations on the history of the region. Or the history of the Jews. Or the phenomenon of political antisemitism. Or the theological underpinnings of Islam. Or the creation of Hamas and Hezbollah.
You know what else would be interesting? If Bryan walked onto a debate stage rather than a performance stage. On a performance stage, only he has the microphone. He gets to monopolize the message. On a debate stage, he has to contend with a counterargument. One wonders why all these free speech advocates get all free speechy when their voice is the only one heard.
That interview and that debate will never happen because Bryan doesn’t have any actual thoughts on the subject. He has talking points. He has soundbites he hears and repeats with zero comprehension. His “opinion” on the Israel-Palestine issue, if it were to warrant the status of an opinion, could be confined to a bumper sticker. Which is undoubtedly the source of most of his knowledge on any given political subject.
Bryan got famous for mastering a few simple chords on an acoustic guitar, which, as any real musician will tell you, is the bare minimum requirement on Day One of Music 101 in the cheapest community college in town. That’s like if Elon Musk got rich by inventing a new Atari game. It would fail to impress. But hey, good for Zach. He deserves every penny he has that people have voluntarily given him.
And let me reiterate: Of course Bryan has the right to say whatever he wants wherever he wants and whenever he wants. There was never any threat to the free speech rights of him, or Macklemore, or anyone else.
But that’s my point. Bryan makes his cute little political statement with the full knowledge that he is risking nothing. This is not bravery; it’s tediousness. And it’s so damn boring that I wouldn’t have wasted time and energy on it had it not been such a slow news day.
I much prefer the path taken a few days ago by James Hetfield, frontman for Metallica. Last weekend in Las Vegas, Hetfield told the crowd, "Unless you live in Vegas, you've come a long way to spend some time with Metallica. We're grateful for that — your travels, the money you spend, the time it took, thanks for coming to celebrate with us.”
He continued, "I just gotta say, Metallica is not here, like some other entertainers, to influence you with their bulls**t, OK? We are here… no bulls**t … we're here to forget about all the outside s**t, OK? Metallica's agenda is love, energy and heavy music, baby!"
Was that so hard?
The crowd cheered. Seems like they were less interested in political sermons and more interested in listening to music (For the crowd’s sake, I hope they closed their set with "One." That’s what they closed with when I saw them a couple years ago, and it was hands down the best encore to a concert I’ve ever seen).
History will not remember Bryan as a hero or a martyr. He’s a court jester. A performing monkey. To the extent history remembers him at all, it will be as the flash in the pan he is. You got something to say about the Israel-Palestine conflict? Then say it on a debate stage, Bryan.
If not, then shut up and sing.